Marriage Wahala

Know how I said I love advice columns? Well, they are a two-edged sword.

I was having insomnia last night- normal thing for me- and I stumbled on an online forum for “couples and intending couples”, where people brought up their problems, and other people weighed in. With nothing else to occupy the spinning wheels of my mind, I dived in.

Oh. My. God.

That stuff was hella scary. The sheer number of women complaining about their mothers- and sisters-in-law ganging up on them, trying to push them out, importuning them in their own homes, creating issues between wives and husbands. I have a very healthy dread of in-law wahala, so reading this was like pouring petrol on the fire of my sleeplessness. I kept reading though.

The complaints about cheating husbands nko? There was one particularly egregious man; he refused to get a regular paying job, rejected job offers in fact, preferring to sit at home jobless in the name of waiting for his business to “click”. He would demand that she loan him money from her salary for his various unfruitful business ideas, even demanding that she get an ATM card for her salary account so that it would be easier for him to get the money out. This same man would take his wife’s phone, read and reply her text messages as he saw fit, insinuate that his wife must have done something to encourage men who chased after her. This same man would copy out his wife’s colleagues’ phone numbers, write them out and commit them to memory, and call her colleagues during work hours demanding to speak to her. As in, he would call these strangers incessantly during projects and meetings and eventually the person would pick up the phone, listen for a bit, and then hold out the phone to her like, ” Your husband wants to talk to you”. Can you even imagine the embarrassment? Eventually, the man was found to be sleeping with the house help, and making advances on the house help’s sister who lived nearby.

I just… My god. How could someone marry this meatsuit of issues? Was it love?

This, for me, is the really scary thing about marriage, even more than the hurdles of blending lives and family, and the fear of mothers-in-law: the fact that you would integrate yourself so wholly with someone, forsaking all others, and the person would do terrible things to you because they know that you love them, and you’re now in wedlock anyway, so there’s nothing you can do.

All these nosy ass people asking me when they will come collect my asoebi are on a long thing. Nuff said.


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6 thoughts on “Marriage Wahala

  1. Well the truth is bad things exist for the good. Let me explain…I believe the purpose of bad people in the world is for us to appreciate the good ones when we find them. For every bad thing/person, there is a good thing/person. Nobody makes pirated movies or songs except the original is great stuff. I understand the risks involved in choosing the right partner/inlaws, but trust me, there are A LOT of good ones out there. Imagine if our mothers considered the risks involved in pregnancy and delivery(plus the side effects!) and decided not to have children, we wouldn’t be here reading your blog, lol.

      1. I am, really. It’s just that some people’s marriages make me go, “If this is how it is, I want no part of it.” I’m aware there are good ones, and I plan on having a good one.

  2. Marriage according to Socrates could be likened to Fishes and the fisherman’s net,” …. those who are within feign get out, and those without feign get in”.

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